The Person You Mean to Be

“Finally: an engaging, evidence-based book about how to battle biases, champion diversity and inclusion, and advocate for those who lack power and privilege. Dolly Chugh makes a convincing case that being an ally isn’t about being a good person—it’s about constantly striving to be a better person.” —Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg

Foreword by Laszlo Bock, the bestselling author of Work Rules! and former Senior Vice President of People Operations at Google

An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues of equity and justice—including sexism, racism, and inequality—so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.

Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, “semi-bold” person’s guide to fighting for what you believe in.

Dolly reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the “psychology of good people”. Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers a suite of practical tools for effective allyship. Learn to respectfully talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don’t look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Being the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.

She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish— rather than good—person. Good-ish people are always growing. Second, she helps you find your “ordinary privilege”—the part of your everyday identity you take for granted, such as race for a white person, sexual orientation for a straight person, gender for a man, or education for a college graduate. This part of your identity may bring blind spots, but it is your best tool for influencing change. Third, Dolly introduces the psychological reasons that make it hard for us to see the bias in our workplace culture. She leads you from willful ignorance to willful awareness. Finally, she guides you on how, when, and whom, to engage (and not engage) in your workplaces, homes, and communities. Her science-based approach is a method any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.

Whether you are a long-time activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. Through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, Dolly guides each of us closer to being the person we mean to be.

This book moves beyond theory to offer a clear, science-based path from being a well-meaning believer to becoming an effective builder.

• Confront Unconscious Bias: Go beyond good intentions by understanding the “psychology of good people” and how hidden biases shape your interactions at work and in your community.
• Activate a Growth Mindset: Discover why being a “good-ish” person who is always learning is more impactful than trying to be a perfect “good person,” and how this mindset unlocks your ability to create change.
• Leverage Ordinary Privilege: Learn to identify the parts of your identity you take for granted—like race for a white person or gender for a man—and turn them from blind spots into powerful tools for advocacy.
• Practice Everyday Allyship: Gain practical, evidence-based tools to engage in difficult conversations, respectfully stand up for your values, and become a better colleague and citizen.